Stede Bonnet: A F*cking Pirate Musical @ Theatre Three
—Martha Heimberg
Pirates just wanna feel alive!
This vaguely Sartre-esque concept—ref., Pirating and Nothingness—drives the hero of Stede Bonnet: A F*cking Pirate Musical, a spirited, campy take on the popular idea of pirates as free-living, fearless, cunning rebels sailing the open seas, plundering other ships and having a grand time in every port. They swash, they buckle, they swish, and say fuck a lot ‘cause they’re pirates, and they can cuss as much as they want. (Even the staid New Yorker now prints the pervasive gerund without an asterisk.) They also sing and dance, ‘cause they’re now cast as the motley crew of a shiny new musical at Theatre Three.
Q: Sound like fun?
A: Fuck yeah. Anybody not ready for some belly laughs, bouncy tunes, exuberant dancing and a soulful ballad or two…is gonna walk the plank. Got it?
Conceived and written by Nicole Neely with music and lyrics by Clint Gilbert, this world-premiere production at the newly renovated Theatre Three is based on the life of an actual “gentleman pirate” (Stede Bonnet, 1688-1718), depicted here as a rich, spoiled Brit, bored and depressed by ordinary posh life. Bonnet leaves his wife and kids on the plantation in Barbados, buys a ship, hires a badass crew, flails about the East Coast as a famously incompetent pirate for a couple of years, and comes to a ___ end. (Take your best guess; we won’t tell.) Talk about a midlife crisis!
In the program notes, Neely says she heard Bonnet’s story first on This American Life, and was “drawn to the fact that he was really, really bad at what he wanted to do.” Blackbeard, the arch-bully of the pirate playground, added intrigue. Then she asked Gilbert if he could “get together 12 songs in two-ish months” for a ‘Monday Night Playwright’ at Theatre Three. Gilbert, who describes the musical style of the show as “Adult Swim Disney,” replied, “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.” And away we sail!
Wait! Wait! You need a wild and willing choreographer to rev it up with dance numbers. That would be award-winning Danielle Georgiou, who also directs the whole shebang, moving a nine-member cast around T3’s intimate theater-in-the-round while making space for dauntless music director Danny Anchondo Jr. He and his sharp trio of musicians can be seen grooving high up in one corner of the arena stage, dominated by an elegantly stylized pier/ship deck set designed by Natalie Rose Mabry. The glossy, happy-high costumes are the work of Sarah Mosher and Mary Dynese Swanson.
The comic tension of the show is in the interplay between pirate wannabe Bonnet (Parker Gray) and virile, brooding Israel (Christopher Llewyn Ramirez), his quartermaster and go-to man for ship deals and general instruction on getting from sissy-pants to gritty tough guy.
Gray’s Bonnet, fired-up and cowering by turns, goes on beyond Johnny Depp camp to a kind of existential dream-state of being a born-again pirate. Cocking his curly blonde wig to one side and swishing his turquoise satin day coat, he announces his new pirate name. “I’m Captain Jesus!” he shouts to his dubious crew. Twirling a curled mustache and ensconced in a pink flamingo floatie, he dances around while the crew sings his praise as “the worst fuckin’ pirate on the deep blue seas.”
Ramirez’s pirate-with-a-murderous-past is all battle-built body and pier-smarts, with Tom Cruise confidence and just enough Judas to allow moody remorse to flash from his dark eyes. He sings ballads with soul, climbs a mast and swings on a rope like a super-bad sailor, and gets down to Georgiou’s funky-fun dance numbers. Of the questing Bonnet, referred to as “a spoiled little bitch” in one song, Israel says, “He’s got a lot of money and a death wish.” You know the type.
Gray and Ramirez, two of the best actors on any stage in town, are hilarious and fascinating as a comic team. Gray’s mincing, squirming Bonnet would not be half as funny without the foil of Ramirez’s stolid, sturdy Israel. After their first cannon-firing, rope-swinging encounter with a real ship, Israel asks his Captain how he liked it. “I wet myself,” he admits.
Both men—in fact, the whole cast—can flash a blade with style and grace, thanks to fight choreographer David Saldivar.
Before Act One closes and Bonnet has actually fired a gun in combat, Gray’s wound-up dude cuts loose with the show’s signature song, “I Don’t Feel Dead,” a woohoo tune about being surrounded by life and action after long years of pining away on an island. For sure, everybody in the audience can relate: after all, we’re celebrating a real live T3 show after two long years of pandemic (and a renovation of the theater itself!).
The whole ensemble is solid, and the musicians are right there with them. Laura Lyman Payne, as an illiterate Blackbeard, adds some ferocity of her own in her chest-pounding song on the practice of ruthless piracy. She’s especially hilarious when Blackbeard takes over Bonnet’s ship and crew. But what about the stranded captain? “I’ll keep him as a pet!” If nothing else, Bonnet can teach this big bully to read! Cheers all round.
Rachel Nicole Poole sings her heart and lungs out as Elsie, an orphaned girl seeking her long-lost sister (stolen by pirates, of course) and Marti Etheridge takes a charming comic turn as a hard-cussin’ but clumsy pirate-in-training.
Who doesn’t need a good laugh and the thrill of live actors with shiny swords? You’ll even get a little black eye-patch with a skeleton on it. So, go. Just fucking go.
WHEN: Through May 1st
WHERE: Theatre Three @ The Quadrangle
WEB: theatre3dallas.com
